I Spezeeal

Good day my fellow oddlings!


A few days ago, I met Danny and Grandpa Abraham again after Lazar invited me to visit his family's house. Danny sat in the far left corner of Grandpa Abraham's basement playing with some stuffed animal of his. He kept repeating "I special, I special," though it sounded more like "I spezeeal!"

Grandpa Abraham would once in a while bark orders at Danny to fetch him this or that. Danny would sit still for half a second, drop his toy(s), stand up, and face Grandpa Abraham with a salute and a "Yes, sir!" Abraham would clap his hands together, and point at any object of his wanting. Danny would immediately fetch it and bring it back to Grandpa Abraham with a wide smile on his face.

Lazar would often snicker and whisper "He's got him trained well, doesn't he, Daggy?" In return, I nodded or sighed "Yeah."

Grandpa Abraham ordered Lazar and me to take Danny with us to his favourite park. He told us he was too busy at the moment for child's play. Once we shut the basement door, Lazar whispered "He's not busy, he's just looking at porn! We ought to take Danny elsewhere."

Lazar demanded that Danny sit still and "be ready to be ridden". Danny sat down on their porch, and waited for Lazar's slimy and grotesque body to settle into its place on his shoulders. There Danny stood tall and proud with a gross little parasite worming its way onto the beast's back.

Once Lazar "settled in", he told Danny to be slow and steady. Danny carefully made his way down the steps. Lazar clung to Danny's hair and head.

"Dan-Dan, go where, Laz-Laz?" asked Danny. "Fooooor waaaaard Dan-Dan, Laz-Laz want go forward, but be sloooow" order Lazer. Danny replied "Yes, sir!"

Danny took his first few steps slowly, but as soon as he saw something shiny far off in some tree, he bolted forward, which made Lazar "cling to Danny's square head for dear life" as he put it.

Danny shouted "DAN-DAN WANT SHINY!"

This little adventure resulted in Lazar being thrown into some tree to snatch Danny some shiny plastic necklace. Lazar told me to watch after Danny, so he could get some band aids. 30 minutes passed without Lazar returning. I decided to ask Danny where he'd like to go since he was beginning to get antsy.

Danny told me he wanted ice-cream and to play on a slide. I bought him ice cream and I let him play on a slide.  I asked him what else would he like, to which he replied "I want make fuck with tree!" Puzzled, I asked him to repeat what he had said. To my astonishment and horror, he replied to me with the exact same sentence!

I grabbed his left hand and dragged him back home to Grandpa Abraham's basement.


The end.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

The Happenings of April

Hello y'all,

Alright, I guess it's time I ought to tell y'all what occurred this month in my little world. So first, I met Aslan (Charlotte's latest boyfriend), and we engaged in a lively conversation concerning sabers (kılıç). Anyhow, Lazar managed to worm his greasy and vile big mouth into our conversation. He pointed his finger at Aslan and began to make gobbling sounds (like a turkey). Aslan snapped and attacked Lazar. The fight resulted in Aslan having his ear and nose bitten by Lazar and Lazar received two black eyes. Charlotte tried to strangle Lazar however he was able to slither his way out of her grip.

 Lazar told Charlotte she's a fat, old slag, to which she retorted "So what! You're a slimy commie!" Lazar had his back to her at the time due to him stomping off in rage, however after having heard such comments, he turned around and charged at Charlotte. Lazar screamed "Сука! Бля!" as he began to try to rip her hair out.

Such naughty words.

I ripped Lazar off of Charlotte and I dragged him back to my house.

Easter came and went. Eddie frantically decorated our house with Easter garbage the night before and he told Lazar, Wayne, Roxella, Flea, Earl, and me that we better eat our supper. I suppose Eddie put some sort of laxative and gravol in our food since I fell asleep as soon as my head hit my pillow. I woke up in my own crap dressed as a bunny (thanks Eddie!). What kind of sick joke was that?

A few days later Roxella announced she's pregnant with Wayne's fetus which horrified Wayne. Lazar interjected that the fetus isn't Wayne's, it's his. Roxella told Lazar "to shove it where the sun don't shine", and he replied he already did. Lazar told Roxella he wants to name it Lazar Mr. Giggle Stalin Lenin Trotsky. Roxella replied "No, he will be named Christian! And he's not yours!" So, Leiland is absolutely perturbed by his good Christian twin sister. He plans on making her marry Wayne soon. Actually Roxella will be marrying Wayne this May. So long Wayne!

Now, Karl is busy at his dad's antique store. He told me it's quite a busy time for his dad at the moment since Uncle Heinie needs more "materials". What does he mean by "materials"? He refuses to explain further more.

Ben (Benjamin the Zionist) and Moh (Mohammed the Islamist) hate one another. Billy also despises Moh since he won't quit his "LALALA!" when there's a crescent moon at night. Anyhow, Ben and Moh tried to kill one another after Eddie invited Ben over for some tea. But as soon as Ben stepped out of his car, he smelt something odd in the air, so he decided to investigate. Soon he came upon Moh's stinky leaf covered body lying in a muddy ditch. Ben poked him with his cane only to have Moh bite his stick and attack him. Plus they hate one another over other issues.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Charlotte Has Returned and She Brought Aslan With Her

Good day my fellow oddlings!


So, Charlotte came back to Canada today looking much thinner and "blonder". I asked her how did she lose the weight, to which she replied "Helping God's children in Africa!"

Lazar overheard our conversation and hollered "There is no God! But Karl Marx!" Charlotte gasped in horror after hearing Lazar's interjection. She clasped her throat and began to scream "Pray! Pray! Pray to God! Not Satan's son!"

Lazar retorted "Shut your pie-hole, Bible thumper! Go convert some goats!" Lazar snickered and thereby slid off into the shadows of the surrounding woodland.

Charlotte grasped my shirt collar and begged me to allow her in my house so as to become reunited with her beloved friend Eddie. I shrugged and muttered "Yeah, go ahead."

Charlotte meandered up to the doorstep of my house, looked into the peephole, and thrust open the door to be greeted by Eddie in his regal, violet princess gown. They embraced one another and began to ask each other what had happened in the last few months.

I overheard Charlotte whining about losing her beloved husband after he left her in the middle of central Africa alone, how she lost weight because of having no food about, but finally managing to leave Africa.

Anyhow, she didn't want to head back to Canada without a man (lol) because her parents expected her to bring back a son-in-law. She texted Tyrone when she was waiting in some airport in Africa asking if he'd come back to her and he replied "No way, yo b-----! I got myself a brand new sugah momma!"

Charlotte decided to go to Europe but then being the good open-minded liberal "girl" , she reconsider her plans and booked a flight to Turkey.

There she managed to find a boyfriend and bring him back to meet her parents. Her parents are overjoyed according to her. Anyhow, she told me I could meet her boyfriend Aslan Egeli soon.

She says I can meet him tomorrow or so.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Mohammed Al-Munajid

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This morning I ventured into the woods with Karl. We planned on pretending we were on a crusade/mystical adventure. I dressed in my new long purple robe and pointy white and violet wizard hat and Karl wore his chain mail and plate armour. We draped red cross marked white tabards over our costumes to signify our intent. That is, we pretended to be lost crusaders.

Karl stated it would be most exciting if we were to LARP on a beach so as to think of ourselves stuck in a desert/warm land. Though we haven't any sand/water close enough just to walk to.

Anyhow, we quickly adapted to our situation and went on a merry adventure! That is until our arch-nemesis showed up....

We were innocently sword fighting one another when this piercing screech that eerily reminded us of a ring wraith interrupted us! Karl recalled Lazar had told him that he has been hearing odd "LALALA" and screeching sounds from the woods. Karl brushed it off as some weirdo getting his "jollies" or Billy behaving like a primitive beast.

I grabbed hold of Karl's tabard and pushed him close to me. I whispered in his ear "Karl, I think it's about time we leave, unless you wish to investigate this odd happening?"

Karl nodded to former and as we were about to drag ourselves back home, something rustled in the bushes closest to me. I screamed bloody murder and bolted straight for the nearest tree hollow. However Karl wasn't able to keep up with my newly found swiftness and screamed for me to come back.

I had to decide then and there otherwise I knew something rotten would occur. I chose my friend over my own well-being! I charged full speed backward; however I couldn't see nor hear Karl.

I hollered out "KARL! WHERE ARE YOU?!" That's when I felt something hit me upside the head, and just before blanking out I scarcely made out a man wearing Arabian armour and holding a scimitar grinning away....

I woke up tied to Karl only wearing some brown sack. As I slowly opened my eyes, I began to see that Karl and I were stuck in some shack with our clothing stashed away in the far right corner.

I began to nudge and pinch Karl in order to awake him from his deep slumber. Unfortunately for me, Karl wouldn't awaken. Karl seemed almost lifeless though I could hear him breathing, though ever so softly.

I was about to try to drag myself and carry to our materials when the door of the shack burst open! At first, I thought the strange man was coming back to do who knows what to us, however there stood a short figure draped in a black robe in the doorway.

It moved, I should write glide, over to Karl and me. It withdrew a large claymore and began to cut our bonds. It whispered in my ear "Меня зовут Лазарь!" I gasped "Lazar, you're here to save us?!" Lazar returned with Может быть." I begged him to save us, and he merely told me to be quiet.

Anyhow, we were able to escape that odd man and safely return home alive. Lazar later informed me that Mohammed Al-Munajid is some crazy LARPer from overseas. He asked me if he could join our "group" and come on an adventure with us.

We plan on going on an adventure- somewhere in the US in early April. I told him I had to think about it....


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

February

Good day my fellow oddlings!


So, lately I haven't been posting any new matters due to the fact Eddie cut all power and electricity to our house in order to "conserve" energy (reality: MONEY). I begged my dad to pay our electric and power bills. Now, we're back but we'll be out in April.

I'll be job hunting soon because I'll have to pay for our needs. Anyhow, all February, I shared a bed with Flea and Lazar so we'd be able to share our body heat. It was a vile experience and one I hope I'll never have to repeat!

While we had no power, Lazar decided to teach us some Russian, now Flea and I are beginning to speak with one another in Russian. Eddie and Earl have absolutely no idea what we're saying, it's fantastic!

I say to Eddie often "Ты низкое и вредное!" (I use the neuter form because Eddie is hard to tell which sex he belongs to).

Haha, it's been annoying!


Good bye my fellow oddlings! Пока!

Charlotte's New Boyfriend

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Last week Charlotte got herself a brand new boyfriend called Ted Nuggets, and she says she is madly in love with this fellow. She describes him as a tall, robust, and gentle "male".

Lazar thinks she is dating Danny since Danny can be gentle when not angered by Grandpa Abraham. Usually Danny is quite docile unless provoked into a more hostile position. Lazar says candy calms him.

Anyhow, I finally met him this morning and he is actually a fat but tall quiet liberal type while Charlotte is your average loud and obnoxious flower-power moron.

So, they do seem quite fond of one another because I did catch them grinding into one anothers' rolls.

Over some tea, Charlotte and Ted told me they're in engaged and will be marrying tomorrow. Charlotte says they will have their honey moon somewhere in Africa "to help the starving kids there" (her words).

I told Charlotte "You're doomed" and I slowly withdrew from the table and slunk off into the shadows to inform Lazar Ted isn't Danny.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Adoption

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This afternoon Eddie made me memorize a few notes along with Lazar, Earl, and Wayne. I had to learn to properly repeat a few phrases to any person who knocks on our door this very afternoon. These were the phrases Eddie made me study:

“Good day! How are you?”

“"Would you like some tea and crumpets?”

“Oh dandy, I’m Eddie’s brother John and I work with Eddie in the tailoring business of his.”

“I’m living with Eddie because we’ve started a tailoring and crafting business together!”

Lazar had to memorize:
“I’m merely a homeless communist and dear young Eddie, bless his soul, has hired me as his maid. The house is very clean and up to date!”

Lazar didn’t bother studying any sentences; instead he ran off into his room and he blasted his commie music.

Earl had to learn:
“Eddie and I are soul mates; we’ve been partners for more than 15 years, and we deeply love one another.”

“Eddie would make a great maternal mother to any children you bless us with!”
Earl stopped reading soon after and he proceeded to let his gases free. Eddie told him he better not do such things around the “people”.

Wayne had to study:

“My name is Ian and Eddie’s my older brother. I’m working for a large company as a manager.”
“Would you fancy any chocolate treats my fine brother Eddie has crafted from his most splendid heart?”

“This is my wife Karen (Roxella); we’ve been married for 10 years and we soon will be creating our own family. Eddie would make a wonderful mother!”

Wayne told Eddie to “f off” and mind his own damn business. Eddie screamed, grabbed hold of Wayne’s hair and told him to never swear and that he better clean his hair and put the suit Eddie just bought him when they come.

Wayne almost punched Eddie in the face and he was able to escape because Eddie was absolutely shocked. Eddie turned to the remainder of us and told us how he tried his best to raise Wayne with the best values he could give him.

Eddie’s mood suddenly changed from meek and sad to happy and hyper as soon as he looked up towards the clock. Eddie squealed with delight and told us we better change into our fancy clothing and be prepared.

I pushed past Earl to my room and I hid in my bathroom until I heard the doorbell ring. I knew I had to escape before Eddie would try to force me into having to tell them how great he is.

As soon as I was about to escape out of my window/door, Eddie found me and dragged me down the stairs to be interviewed because I occupy the house. The social workers made me sit in a different room and tell them all I know about Eddie.

I had totally forgotten every line Eddie had told me to tell them at the time and so I told them what Eddie is like.

I started off with having met Eddie in spring 2010 and how particularly odd I found him. I told them he enjoys cross dressing, cooking, sedating, frilly things, children, dolls, and cleaning. They inquired further about his sedating and tranquilizing abilities, and I told them everything.

The social workers smiled, told me I was useful and I could now leave. I asked them if I get some sort of reward and candy and all they did was laugh. Nasty bastards they are! I deserve candy after running my tongue about Eddie! My tongue needs soothing! Damn it!

Lazar was later questioned and he told them he is a communist who beats the crap out of “fascist fs” as a job. They asked if he finds Eddie odd and he nodded. They further asked him if he thinks Eddie would make a good father and Lazar told them he would because he literally washes and clothes him.

Earl, Flea, Wayne, and Roxella both answered correctly according to Eddie.

Anyhow, as I was about to go shooting with Billy, when the social workers pulled Billy aside and asked him what he thinks of Eddie. Billy told them he finds him creepy, weird, and liberal. Billy told them he thinks Eddie is trying to “have” him because he always gives him (according to Billy) the “sweetheart eye”.

Anyway, it turns out Eddie won’t be adopting a child anytime soon. Lazar volunteered to be Eddie’s pretend child which delighted Eddie. Billy and Roxella think this whole situation is disturbing.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

It Almost Laid An Egg!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Today Lazar informed me Charlotte lost her boyfriend due to getting pregnant and asking him to marry her. He ran off to the US since he is from Detroit.

Anyhow, Charlotte got an abortion because she thinks the world is too evil to bring a baby into. Lazar, when told the news, laughed, sang, and kissed Charlotte's hand! "No eggs for Charlotte!" That's what he joyously told me!

Charlotte is now going to therapy because of all the stress she has been getting from Roxella and Leiland. Eddie is always there for her but Roxella is not. Roxella thinks Charlotte is a diabolic "baby killer".

Roxella now wants a baby with Wayne.... Good bye freedom for you Wayne!


Goodbye my fellow oddlings!

WE RIDE, DANNY!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This morning as I battled Karl over Call of Duty MW3(got it from Eddie this Christmas) when I heard a loud knock on the door. Normally Eddie answers it but since Eddie wasn't home, I answered it.

I thrust open the door and found Grandpa Abraham sitting on Danny's back smoking a cigar. Danny was blankly smiling and Grandpa Abraham was scowling like usual.

I asked Grandpa Abraham why is he here and he told me he is here to help me capture Karl and "destroy" him. Supposedly Grandpa Abraham thinks Karl is an evil Nazi that needs to be hunted and slaughtered like a savage wild beast.

I replied "NO!" and I shut the door. I heard Grandpa Abraham swear, pound on my door, scream "Nazi sympathizer!", and then I heard him yell "WE RIDE, DANNY, WE RIDE, OL' BOY!"

KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!

Good day my fellow oddlings and happy New Year!


Today Lazar attacked Charlotte when Eddie had invited her over for some tea and yoga. The two are now practising yoga together in hopes of feeling "better" for Eddie and losing weight for Charlotte.

Anyhow, Lazar leaped onto Charlotte's back and he dug his sharp needle-like teeth into her fat neck. Charlotte squealed and roared and that's when Lazar screamed "KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!"

Lazar jumped off of her and ran off somewhere. Later Charlotte complained about Lazar and his behaviour. She told Eddie she thinks she's too much "woman" for Lazar to handle.

Eddie nodded and continued with his yoga. Charlotte looked a bit peeved after not having Eddie gush about how horrid Lazar is. Eddie still thinks of Lazar as a son, so I doubt he'll ever tolerate Charlotte's hatred of Lazar.

Not much happened on New Year's eve and day 'cause I was mostly sleeping, eating, playing, and defecating according to Eddie.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Sunshine

Happy upcoming New Year oddlings!


Today, I made a snowman out in my backyard with Earl's help. I gave my snowman a carrot nose, cole eyes, and a knife. Billy applauds me for this action.

So, I felt tired after having playing about in the snow and I decided I'd take a nice nap on Eddie's brand new couch. I have to type- that couch is epic! Though it could make a few improvements such as my Uncle Joe's pigs' intestines ground into the fabric. To be honest, I relish the smell of pig intestines.

Anyhow, Sunshine bit my nose when I was sleeping. I suddenly awoke due to the sharp pain she inflicted on my nose. Nasty beast! Anyway, Eddie took me to the hospital and I managed to survive!

Eddie offered to have Sunshine put to sleep forever but I declined his generous offer. I enjoy Sunshine's company though now I'm a little frighten by her viciousness.

Luckily Sunshine is still wee and scrawny in stature 'cause she might one day smother me in my sleep!

Oh, by the way, Lazar is back and breathing. Yes, he's breathing even though Danny (his cousin) tried to strangle him a few times over previously having MY stuffed raccoon that I PERSONALLY stuffed taken back. For the Gods' sake, Lazar gave him another stuffed animal!

Lazar told me Danny misses the smell of the dead raccoon 'cause it smells real. I told Lazar he should wipe the stuffed animal he gave him in roadkill to give it some "smell". Lazar shrugged and meandered off.


Happy New Year!

Christmas Time!

Merry Christmas and happy New Year my fellow oddlings!


For Christmas presents I got:

A bunch of new games from Eddie and Earl.
A new broad sword from Karl.
Some ammo from Billy.
The rest gave me nothing! Though I did get a present from Santa Claus! Yay Santa! It's a new axe, a pretty big and epic one too!

I gave Eddie some new cooking books which he squealed over and I gave Earl a new cane and a new fishing rod. I gave Karl some computer games, and I gave Billy a leather coat. Anyhow, everyone seemed to be overjoyed with their presents.

On Christmas eve, I visited Karl and we exchanged gifts. Later, I went to Billy's place and we gave one another a gift.

After that, I ventured back home and made cookies for Santa Claus with Eddie. Eddie let me lick the bowl even though Earl had dibs on it. Eddie told Earl he is too old to lick bowls.

On Christmas day, I went to Billy's place and we practised shooting. Billy told me I'm becoming a better "gunner". I suppose that's dandy good!

Not much happened on Christmas day. Anyhow, it was fun playing with those new games!

As for Leiland, Roxella, and Wayne; well, they wandered off to church all day long. Wayne came back horrified and tired. Serves him right for ditching me for women!


Merry Christmas and happy New Year my fellow oddlings!

The Handshake

Merry Christmas oddlings!


Today I witnessed a strange event on the second level of my house in a hallway leading up the stairs to my room and the other bedrooms.

There stood Flea looking awkward and slightly unclean and Wayne shuffling and snorting about in his filthy clothes.

Both of them passed one another, but before Wayne meandered about someplace else, Flea turned around and asked him who he is. Wayne looked dumbstruck, and he dropped his pizza slice and pop can in shock.

Flea introduced himself and he thrust his hand for Wayne to shake. Wayne looked bewildered, paused for a second, straightened his shirt, and then he finally accepted Flea's handshake.

I noticed Flea was squeezing Wayne's hand and so Wayne squeezed back. Both of them began to squeeze their hands trying to out do the other in strength.

For a minute they stood there trying to out do the other until I began to giggle. Flea let go of Wayne's hand but Wayne wouldn't let go of Flea's hand.

Flea spat on Wayne and kicked him in the nuts before he scurried back to whence he came. Wayne looked horrified and shocked as he stood in his filthy surroundings.

I laughed and I made my way up to my room again. Before I opened my door, I heard Wayne scream "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Haha, so funny!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Santa Claus Is Mean

Merry Christmas y'all!


Today I went to the nearest mall with Flea and Eddie and I almost sat on Santa's lap. I was waiting in line with Flea sucking on a candy cane Eddie gave me before he scurried away to look at the adult content store nearby.

My candy cane was red and Flea's was blue, anyhow Flea wanted my candy cane after seeing it's redness. Both of our favourite colours are red, and so Flea thinks since he's younger by 2 years, he should get his way.

I told Flea to go suck something else 'cause he wasn't going to get my candy cane! Flea stuck his now blue tongue out and snatched my red candy cane right from my mouth!

Anyhow, I ripped the red candy cane out of his sticky fingers and chewed it all up! HAHA loser! Flea tossed his blue candy cane at me, however I dodged it, and it ended it up in some kid's hair.

Flea laughed and laughed as the mother fumed with anger and the kid cried. I slapped Flea across the face for having wasted a candy cane but the mother thought I slapped him across the face because of his behaviour.

Anyhow, my violent outburst seemed to have soothed the mother's anger.

Flea looked dumbstruck, but eventually he was gleaming with excitement. Finally the line began to shorten and we almost got to sit on Santa's lap.

Flea pushed past me and forced himself onto Santa's lap and he sat there smiling with joy. Santa asked him if he's too old to be sitting on Santa's lap and Flea replied one is never too old to be sitting on Santa's lap.

Santa shoved Flea off his lap and told him to go or he'd call security. Flea scurried away, and that's when it was my turn!

I stood there in front of Santa Claus with a big gleeful smile and Santa only returned a searching eye. He asked me where my children were and I told him I have no kids.

I then leaped onto his lap and I sat there smiling at him. Everyone around us looked shocked and horrified. I have no idea why! Santa shoved me off his lap and called me a "man-child". MEAN!

I ran away crying.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Ear Infection

Good day my fellow oddlings!


I haven't written in the longest time because my ear has been infected this past week and since then Eddie wouldn't allow me to move unless I was eating, drinking or defecating.

He made me lay on my right side as my left ear was/is infected all week! He fed me soup, gave me water, and he gave me all of my ear drops and pills. It was horrible!

Now that I'm free again, I can finally write, LARP, and play computer games with Karl. FREEDOM!

Anyhow, when Eddie took me to the clinic, he gave me a lolly-pop and suckers until I was treated.

Not much happened at the clinic, the only time Eddie snapped at some kid was when a toddler sneezed on me. This didn't end well for Eddie. Tehe!

So, I'll be getting back to my old ways soon!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Charlotte's New Boyfriend

Good day my fellow oddlings!


So today, Charlotte has gotten herself a new boyfriend called Tyrone Washington. Charlotte says he loves her "curves" and newly dyed blonde hair. Charlotte previously had red hair, though now it is blonde with red roots.

Charlotte told me he calls her "one sexy lady". Ew! I don't need to hear all of their disgusting talk! Keep it away from me! Basically, that's what I told her, which she replied with "RACIST!". She scurried away after that.

Before scurrying off, Lazar pointed his far left finger at her and laughed. Charlotte called him a racist and so Lazar stuck his tongue out and called her an anti-semite. Charlotte didn't seem to care about being called anti-semite, she merely gave Lazar the evil eye, which Lazar returned, and ran off.

I guess Charlotte thought Lazar and I would like to hear her stories. Stupid ol' slag!

Lazar will be leaving again until Christmas is over. Lazar says he only came 'cause Eddie takes care of him. I agreed. I guess Lazar enjoys pretending to be a baby!

Anyhow, Charlotte has a boyfriend. AMAZING!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

The Party

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Yesterday, in the evening, Eddie threw a Christmas party and invited everyone he knew to it. Lazar refused to go at first, but I was able to coerce him into coming along.

I told him I'd give him 50 dollars if he returned with my first stuffed animal, and he agreed to steal it back from Danny. Lazar told me he gave it to Danny because it's a worthless piece of crap. I argued it wasn't, but that didn't convince Lazar.

Anyhow, I'm sitting in my living room sipping hot chocolate when Leiland and Benjamin enter my living room holding hands. Wayne looks at them, points his fat right index finger, and laughes.

Benjamin growls and tells him to shut the Hell up or he'll "get him". Wayne doesn't stop laughing, so Roxella seeing the awkward situation, jumps onto Wayne's lap and begins to ask him how he likes what she is doing.

Benjamin sees me sitting in the far left corner on my brand new leather chair (Eddie recently bought new furniture after I showed my disgust by putting pig entrails in the old couch).

He lets go of Leiland, and slithers my way. I gasp in horror as he smiles his big toothy grin, and thrusts one of his hands forward for me to shake. I slowly get up from my chair and I gingerly shook his hand.

He asked me where had I gone the previous week, and I created a lie about how I had ever so wanted to go camping before it's too cold. He smiled and left me be for some time....

Lazar soon arrived and we exchanged gifts. Thankfully, I was able to snatch some money from Eddie's purse so I could get Mr. Squishie back from Lazar's repulsive paws.

Lazar was horrified to find the entire house decorated in Christmas stuff, so he hid underneath the couch until the fight broke out....

So, the fight began after dinner when everyone was merrily chatting with one another. Benjamin was "sniffing" everyone and saying out loud what he thought everyone was.

Here's the list:

Eddie- a gay and flamboyant nurturer.
Earl- a delusional sailor.
Roxella- a skanky Christian.
Leiland- a fanatical Christian.
Flea- a rabid feral.
Lazar- a soap starved commie.
Wayne- a vulgar and disgusting pig.
Billy- rednecked neo-con.
Me- a childish nutjob.
AND Karl- a NAZI!

Benjamin gasped in horror as he believed Karl was a Nazi. I have no idea why Benjamin thinks Karl is a Nazi. Very bizarre.

Anyhow, Benjamin attacked Karl like a feral animal, and so I jumped in to help Karl. Lazar heard us fighting and soon joined in, though he didn't pick a side. He punched and bit everyone.

Eddie broke us up after we fought one another viciously. Benjamin tried to attack Karl again, but Leiland grabbed him by his arm and dragged him back to his car.

The night was ruined.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Karl, My Dear!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This morning I left Billy's cottage for my house. I embraced and thanked Billy before leaving which Billy found irritating and he basically told me to GTFO. Tehe!

So, when I stumbled through the last dying and leafless plant, I found Karl standing on my porch dressed in armour and carrying a sword. I screamed with joy and ran towards Karl. Karl saw me, threw off his helmet, and came bounding towards me.

We both embraced one another and Karl asked me how did I manage to escape Benjamin Fisanovich. I explained, and we embraced one another again.

Karl told me he missed me and he was worried about my safety with Benjamin around. He was glad I found a not-so-friendly redneck to live with.

We talked with one another for an hour before Eddie made us come in the house and eat his freshly baked chocolate chipped cookies. He made us drink hot chocolate and help him make ginger bread men.

Everything tasted so good! So much better than semi-cooked deer meat!

Karl and I played video games and then we parted ways.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Gun-Totin' Redneck

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Today is Lazar's leaving day, so I left Billy's cottage for a bit just to give him give his birthday present for his 31st birthday which is on November 22nd. He snarled and grudgingly thanked me because Eddie was standing right beside him ready to give him his last hug for 2011.

I gave Lazar a stuffed raccoon after having personally scraped a dead raccoon off of a nearby road and removing its entrails. Billy has taught me many things this week, many, many, things....

So, when I first settled into a hay-bed in Billy's cellar right next to the boiler I was taught to never leave a dead animal untouched. Then, Billy taught me how to properly load, clean, shoot, and look after my gun.

The next day Billy taught me to hunt squirrels and other pesky rodents. After failing to kill any squirrels, I was told to go to some lake near Billy's cottage and fish. I caught a small fish after hours of waiting AND starving!

Billy refuses to let me eat if I haven't killed a critter. Luckily, I needn't hunt or fish anymore because as Billy and I were walking along some forgotten road, when we stumbled upon a dead deer.

Billy figured it had been killed an hour or so ago. So, Billy made me pick it up and sling it over my right shoulder. We feasted that day, and there's still enough until I leave!

Anyhow, as we hunted for roadkill, Billy told me he refuses to eat dead dogs and cats, but he'll eat squirrels, skunks, raccoons, and deer. Eventually, we stumbled upon a dead raccoon and Billy told me I could stuff it! I screamed with joy and thanked Billy.

So, the very first critter I stuffed I gave to Lazar. Which didn't please Lazar much. Too bad!

Anyhow, Billy says I'm an amateur redneck, better than a city-slicker but not as good as an intermediate redneck, and most definitely not as good as a senior redneck.

It's been fun at Billy's!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Benjamin Fisanovich

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Last night Leiland introduced me to the “Chosen One” Ben as Leiland calls him. Ben seemed all giddy at first as he told me how he and Leiland are curing the world of prejudice and hate. I then inquired further about this ‘curing’ which kind of enraged him.

Anyhow, soon we were telling one another our names, what we do for jobs, and boring, basic personal stuff.

So I started talking about my friend the commie Lazar and how weird he is as we were discussing weird people. Ben suddenly blurts out “YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS WITH A NAZI, RIGHT? OR I’LL HACK YOU ON THE HEAD!” I laughed so hard, but then I saw something shining in his jacket.

I quickly replied “NO, absolutely not!” which made Ben smile and laugh. But that smile and laugh was quite, obviously fake…. Oh, so creepy….

I soon swiftly disappeared from Ben’s sight and made my way to Billy’s cabin. Why? Well Ben was going to stay the night and the rest of the week here as Leiland made Roxella tell Wayne that he better allow Ben to stay the night and week. Billy also has a ton of weapons so I feel safer there….

I soon found Billy roasting a chunk of chicken flesh over his spit and drinking from a bottle in a brown bag. I hollered at Billy if I could come any closer. He lifted his hand up signaling permission. I slowly scurried over the crackling autumn leaves to Billy.

Billy told me I couldn’t have any of the meat ‘cause it’s all his since he bought it. I told him I needn’t any food as I had already eaten earlier in the evening.
I asked Billy if I could stay the week and he agreed so as long as I never show any of my city-boy tendencies and I work hard at hunting, gathering wood for the fireplace and spit, and I never show disrespect to “Lord” Harper. I agreed.

(I’m typing this off of Billy’s brand new computer. Why does he have a computer when he doesn’t even have basic heating? Well he told me he wants to smack some sense into ‘libtards’ over the internet!)


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Lazar Has Been Using Flea's Litter Box

Good day my fellow oddlings!


The past few days have been hectic because Eddie has been setting the house up for Christmas. Everything is red, white, and green, and Lazar is going absolutely insane! Lazar told me he will be leaving next week for his parents' house.

I asked him why he is allowed to go to his parents' house (previously, Grandpa Abraham has banished him from his own parents' house), but he went on to tell me Grandpa Abraham has taken pity upon him and he will be allowed back until Christmas is over.

Lazar despises Christmas with a passion. He is fond of spitting on happy go-lucky carolers, throwing trash at homeless Santa Claus beggars, and he adores going to a local mall and screaming near the dress-up Santa Claus "SANTA CLAUS DOESN'T EXIST! AND IF HE HAD EXISTED, HE WOULD BE A CAPPY SCUMBAG, CHILDREN! ABANDON THE CHAINS OF CAPITALISM AND START YOUR OWN REVOLUTION IN YOUR SCHOOL!"

Lazar, of course, bolts out of any old mall he has visited once he is done screaming some sort of rant, and he "slithers away into the darkness of the night" as he puts it. I asked him why had he told me he loves to do such things, and he replied with a crooked smile. Creepy bastard!

Anyhow, Lazar has been escaping Eddie's Christmas nightmare by hiding in Flea's room. Flea barely notices him because he usually dangles from the ceiling, and below him is full of trash. However Flea has recently noticed someone has been taking dumps in his litter box.

Flea prefers a litter box to urinate and dump his feces in over a toilet. Flea always kicks sand over any mess he has made in his litter box, however whoever has been using it has not covered his or her droppings.

Flea suspected Lazar of doing the dirty deed after seeing Lazar traipse around the living room with sand on his feet. Lazar denies ever using Flea's litter box, however the evidence is stacked against ol' Lazy.

Lazar accused Flea of cappy ways after being interrogated by Flea about his messy litter box. Flea denies any relation to the political world and so he accused Lazar of being a spy and a litter box "messier" as he calls it.

Anyhow, Flea eventually snatched the uncovered feces from his litter box and when Lazar went to use the bathroom, Flea bashed in the door and grabbed hold of some feces from Lazar. Flea took both to a DNA place as he calls it.

So, it turns out the uncovered feces is Lazar's feces. Flea is extraordinarily displeased with Lazar not asking permission to use his litter box and also for leaving uncovered feces. Flea has attached a lock to his room to keep Lazar out.

Lazar says Flea is being a prick and a selfish cappy 'cause he won't share his litter box. Oh, well! The drama is getting worse however Lazar will be leaving in a week!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

My 36th Birthday

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Yesterday I had the afternoon part of my birthday party held at MacDonalds. I brought Flea and Lazar along because Karl would not come. Damn you Karl! You have forsaken me in my utmost important hour!

Anyhow, we (Flea, Lazar, and I) had a blast! We ate hamburgers and fries, and drank coke! Eddie never allows us to eat MacDonald's hamburgers and fries, and he won't ever allow us to drink coke! He says fastfood and soft drinks are bad for you. I disagree!

Eddie couldn't come because he was making an excellent dinner and dessert for me. He tried to get Earl to come with us but Earl had booked a fishing trip in the afternoon with Billy. Eddie was very disappointed with Earl. Oh well, life moves on!

So, Lazar ate too many fries and ended up vomiting in the children's playground ball section. I got stuck in a slide and Flea terrorised children by hissing, growling, and skittering about. We got kicked out. At least we had fun! So, screw them!

After that, I went to my dad's place for alcohol and old beer barrels. Dad said I could take one of his old and useless beer barrels home for my birthday present from my family. I was absolutely thrilled! A new place to hide in! Wonderful!

After drinking, I visited my feral mom's colony, and I was given a sharpened stick. They told me I could use it against fish. Bizarre. I thanked them anyway.

Finally, I went home for dinner and dessert. Eddie made me wear a bib along with Lazar and Flea. We wolfed down mashed potatoes, we devoured ribs, and we chugged expensive wine. Eddie was pleased by our satisfaction.

For dessert, we had ice cream cake and brownies. 'Twas grand!

Here's a list of presents I received:

Eddie and Earl bought me a Wii and games for it. I squealed with joy, and hugged Eddie and Earl. Earl told me not to squeeze him too hard as he's been gassy lately.

Karl gave me an antique rapier. Karl told me exactly when and where this thin sword was created but I've forgotten everything.

Billy bought me a gun. I smiled at Billy and he nodded back at me.

Flea gave me a fur coat. "Great for the heat-less winters" I thought!

Lazar gave me a Lenin doll. "An odd thing" I thought.

Charlotte made me a tablecloth- err, I mean skirt! I asked Charlotte "Why do I need a tablecloth" which displeased and angered her greatly. HAHA!

Every gift was grand except for some!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

TRICK OR TREAT!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This is how Halloween went for us:

Eddie and Earl went to some creepy/scare fest thing, and they ended up going home early as Eddie had some soap operas to catch up on.

Wayne, Roxella, and Leiland all went to pray to protect themselves from evil demons and such. Wayne only went along to get what he wants from Roxella. HAHA!

Billy went to some bonfire and hunting event with his neo-con buddies. He had a blast doing that, and he invited me to come next year. I declined as next year I'll be trick or treating again. He called me "immature yuppie" and "weird ass liberal".

Charlotte went to a party dressed as a bunny and she was attacked by a bunch of geeks who mistook her for a beast they had recently slain in some game of theirs. I suppose they thought it wanted revenge! After all it was Halloween night! HAHA!

Karl went to Uncle Heinie's house/cottage to some annual Halloween party. He told me it was strange as they all dressed in robes and lit a large bonfire. Usually they play music, dance, dress differently, etc. Karl thinks Uncle Heinie is considering converting to Paganism because of the different Halloween events he participated in.

As for Lazar, Flea, and I, we went trick or treating in Toronto. We took Tammy's brats so we could pretend we were just their parents. It actually works!

Anyhow, whilst trick or treating I saw Grandpa Abraham riding on Danny's shoulders. Grandpa Abraham dressed in a Dr. Frankenstein costume and Danny dressed as Frankenstein.

Lazar told me he does that every year to get sympathy candy. HAHA!

We managed to collect lots of candy, and soon Tammy's brats wanted their own share. Lazar jabbed Super Duper in the arm with some needle. Flea asked what did he just do and Lazar replied "Gravel in a needle."

It was a fun night!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

The Corn Maze

Good day my fellow oddlings!


A few days ago Eddie, Earl, and Lazar went on a 'trip' to a local corn maze. According to Eddie, it was supposed to be a vacation and fun camping time for the three of them however they managed to get lost multiple times, lose their food to hungry drunks, and get rather dirty from all the mud and dirt surrounding them.

The ground was quite soppy that day, so they wore their rain boots though that didn't prevent the cold and dirt from festering on their stinky feet. Lazar enjoyed this entire trip however Eddie and Earl despised it. Lazar claims to have 'trench foot'.

Eddie wore everything rain proof that he could possibly find and Earl just wore some long rain boots and a raincoat and hat. Lazar was forced at first by Eddie to wear his rain proof clothes but Lazar quickly shook those off.

They started at the entrance of the corn maze around 5:00 pm after having supper and preparing themselves for their 'hard' and dirty trip. But to Eddie it was worth it as he loves Lazar and wants to spend more 'family' time with him!

Around 6:00 pm they lost track of the trail and ended up in some wooded area. Earl got them back on track because he has 'grand and fabulous' tracking and survival skills according to Eddie. I must say, he most certainly has 'grand and fabulous' tracking and survival skills, just look at his group! A commie and cross-dresser!

Around 7:00 pm they lost their food to drunken hooligans however I think they merely misplaced their food. Just look at their rag-tag group! Tehe!

Around 8:00 and 9:00 pm, they lost track of the trail and found themselves lost in some abandoned field. Lazar found the way back due to the fact Karl Marx "guided" him through the stars and moon. That's what Lazar says....

Finally around 10:00 pm they found the trail again, then they lost track of it and found it again around 12:00 pm. By 1:00 am they were home and angry except for Lazar.

Lazar says he almost died on the 'journey' and he had to eat the rotting corn surrounding over imposing walls to sustain himself. He also had to eat his hammer and sickle pin and crap it out and eat it again so Eddie and Earl wouldn't steal it from him. HAHA!

It was an insane 'journey'!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

What We Look Like

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Here are some pictures of my friends and me:

1- Billy
2- Charlotte
3- Dagwood (me! Yay!)
4- Earl
5- Eddie
6- Flea
7- Karl
8- Lazar
9- Leiland
10- Roxella

I used Sims 3 to take screen shots of what we look like.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Dripping

Greetings y'all!


Last night I was left home alone because Eddie and Earl took Lazar Halloween camping (camping in corn mazes and trying to find their way out), Wayne stayed over at Roxella's place, and Flea was busy with fellow ferals.

Thankfully, I still had my good and dandy Sunshine! I sat on my bed petting her until I decided to go asleep. I was getting quite tired after a day of online internet raids and battles, so I decided to go to bed early.

But before I could go to sleep, I decided to check each and every lock in the house as I kept hearing movements down one floor. I wore my mail armour and helm with one of my broad and sharp swords in my right hand and a candle in the other.

I turned every light on- from the deep basement to my bedroom. After being able to close every window except one small window in Eddie's kitchen I went to bed. The window was too small for anyone to crawl through plus it was lifted somewhat off the ground. Highly impossible to get through.

I would have closed that window but unfortunately it was jammed on something.... But for good measure, I thrust my sword into the outer darkness and nothing squealed with terror.

I bolted up the stairs and soon I found myself in a deep sleep full of odd dreams. However I soon awoke to something banging on my door! My heart froze in utter terror as I heard something pull a key out of my rug (I keep a key for my bedroom under a rug before my door just in case I ever need it. I completely forgot to remove it!), push it into its slot, and slowly turn it.

I lay frozen in my bed dressed in my armour with a sword under my pillow. All I had to do was grasp that sword and swing it at the intruder! Before whatever it was opened the door, I grabbed hold of my sword and crouched on my bed ready to attack.

Soon the door opened, but no one stood there....

I decided to rush down the stairs to my bike. But I heard this horrid dripping sound coming from Eddie's kitchen. I peeped my head around the corner to see the small window wide open, and a dead raccoon strung up in the middle of the room.

The dead raccoon was dripping blood from its middle section, and oddly enough it had a note on its head. I ran over, snatched the note, turned the lights on, and read it to reveal Billy had accidently run over a raccoon and it was an early birthday present for me....

Just before going back to bed, I looked over at the small window to see Billy's smiling face looking right at me. So creepy.... I thanked him from afar and ran up the stairs to finally go back to sleep.


Good bye y'all!

Lazar's Karaoke

Good day my fellow oddlings!


So, Eddie bought Lazar a karaoke set as he has been bugging him forever for it. Now that Lazar has his karaoke set he has been warping some songs into communist themed ones and he has been singing vulgar songs as well at the highest volume which shakes throught the entire house.

Luckily, Eddie makes him put it away between 9:00 pm and 9:00 am otherwise none of us would be able to sleep. Lazar always begrudgingly hides away his precious set under his bed and then he caresses the microphone as he falls asleep.

Once before sleeping Lazar was bathed in non-"cappie" lake and river water, tucked into bed, read from the communist manifesto, and given his Stalin "doll" to cuddle- Eddie would do all of this for him. Eddie would do of this except give him the lake and river water he wanted for his bath.

I suppose Lazar has grown up... though Eddie still makes him wear a bib when he eats his stew surprise....

So here are some of the songs I've heard Lazar sing and blast throughout our house.

Comrade, comrade, comrade, ooooooooooooohhhhhhh!

At first I thought you were a fat chick, but then I realised you were pregnant, so I thought it would be funny if I killed your baby, so I kicked you in the stomach!

Are we human, or we communists?

Lazar's singing is atrocious and it sounds as if a cat is being run over repeatedly!

The horrors!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

The Beaver-Men Are Furries!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Early in the morning I awoke to the sound of pattering feet and beaver tails slapping up against the wooden panels of my floor. I popped my head out of my lovely blanket cave I crafted earlier in the evening and I found a few beaver-men holding hands and dancing about in front of me.

I screamed and grabbed the nearest sword in my resting place. I almost stood mighty and tall on my bed but I unfortunately hit my head hard up against the wooden walls. I ended up falling into my bed and sleeping only to be awoken by a beaver-man not wearing his 'helm' as they call it!

I screamed and he screamed as we looked into one anothers' eyes! However before I almost put the tip of my sword against his chest, he spoke in a feminine and hushed voice of how he adored me and how he would watch me when I slept.

A cold shiver shook my body, and I reached once again for my handy sword. The beaver-men began to run for my window/door and just before he left he told me all beaver-men are furries and that I should no longer be afraid of them!

As the beaver-man-furrie left, I ran around my entire house and locked every window, door, and I checked every nook and cranny. I then polished my armour and weapons and prepared myself for another beaver-men break in!

So far they haven't returned! But it's too soon to tell!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Charlotte's Boyfriend

Good day my fellow oddlings!

Yesterday Charlotte returned to Canada and told me her internet ‘bb’ boyfriend from the US finds her repulsive. I asked why? Because she told me she sent photos of herself to him before visiting his place.

She then went on some rant of how men these day don’t appreciate ‘curvy’ women and how they only like ‘stick thin’ models. I then inquired which photos she had sent to him. Her face turned bright red, and she huffed and puffed until finally telling me she sent photos of Roxella to him.

I asked her why she did that. She told me because men are all about looks and such and how she’d never get anyone to fancy her otherwise. I told to go and look for some fat guy to which she replied with “They’re all about looks too!”

She then ranted about ‘bb’ boyfriends and how they’re supposed to like fat women like her. I asked her what a ‘bb’ boyfriend is, and so she replied “YOU’RE RACIST!” I laughed quite a lot and I ended up getting called ‘racist’ again.

I told her I didn’t know what she should do other than lose some weight. That comment enraged her and sent her back to whence she came!

Bye, bye Charlotte!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Thanks Giving with my Family

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Yesterday I had Thanks Giving dinner at my dad's place. But before I tell you of my time at my dad's place, I shall tell you of my friends' stories!

So Eddie cooked and baked tirelessly for Wayne, Lazar, Leiland, Roxella, and Flea. He told me Lazar stuck his finger in every pie and pushed his head into the turkey's hole. Eddie had to fill in the holes Lazar had made in the pies with cream and he had to clean the turkey of Lazar hair.

Lazar thought the gravy was some sort of drink, so he guzzled it up in a few seconds which took Eddie forever to remake the gravy. Eddie told me he now wants a day off from Lazar as he's driving him insane!

Wayne and Roxella grinded one another until Leiland told them to stop it or they'd go to Hell! They eventually stopped and Roxella looked absolutely bewildered all night long after that! Wayne just looked agitated.

Leiland forced them to pray before eating which took 15 minutes to complete as he ranted and raved about Chrislam, and before and after that he criticized Eddie for his dressing habits and berated Roxella for her rude behavior.

Flea mostly hogged the turkey and potatoes and he licked away the cream filling in the pies so Eddie had to keep refilling it.

Flea and Lazar didn't bother to use utensils, they preferred to stick their grubby fingers into the plates and bowls of food and shove food into their mouths.

Now Charlotte has been busy with her boyfriend in the US so she didn't end up having Thanks Giving.

Billy had Thanks Giving with his neo-con friends in one of their cottages.

Now as for myself....

Well I arrived early at my dad's house, and so I helped my dad make stuffing and salads whilst Lane busied himself with his latest girlfriend and Nester behaved like a drone- sitting and watching TV on the couch.

I noticed my dad bought a new couch, so I inquired him about where the old couch was now. He told me he brought it to the dump because it had pig intestines in the cushions, and so he bought a cheap couch off of Kijiji.

Tammy came along and ended up being a real pig. She shoved turkey, weenies, and beer into her gaping mouth-hole and pit-less stomach. She could literally eat for days without even chucking or feeling sick! Bedeviled creature!

We mostly ate, drank, talked, and watched TV. It was a boring night! Oh, and Tammy wouldn't stop complaining about how 'lame' our little Thanks Giving get together was!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

OKTOBERFEST WITH KARL!

Good day my lovelies!


I just got home from Oktoberfesting with Karl and his family. His whole family came to our region to go to Oktoberfest. They'll be staying for a few days at Karl's dad's place. Karl says they'll be sleeping in his dad's living room and basement. Even Amon came!

So Karl got drunk beyond belief and Uncle Heinrich made me take him home early because he had unfinished business. I wonder what this unfinished business is? Is it getting wasted, listening to German music, eating pretzels and pig pieces or is it other business? I shall never know! He seemed pretty intense though....

While there I drank some beer with Karl, listened to some nice songs, had a weird fat woman try to make me chicken dance with her, ate a fresh pretzel, and I had Amon eye me. Creepy....

Lazar won't go Oktoberfesting because he thinks it evil and Nazi. Haha! Insane little commie! Lazar will instead drink himself to sleep whilst listening to Призвание Коммуниста, and some Yiddish folk songs tonight.

Flea went with a group of other ferals. He said I can't go since the gene that makes you feral is latent in me.

Charlotte is in the US meeting her internet boyfriend. HAHA! She is going to Louisiana to meet her bb boyfriend! I think this will end horribly....

Leiland and Roxella think Oktoberfest is evil because you can drink alcohol there. Leiland says you can only drink wine not beer, vodka, whiskey, or any other form of alcohol, and you can only drink it in religious ceremonies. WEIRD!

Billy went with his neo-con friends. He told me I'm too weak to guzzle down manly beer! Oh, how sweet of you Billy! NOT!

Eddie and Wayne aren't too interested in going, so I suppose they won't be going ever! Eddie says he prefers to watch over Lazar, and Wayne will only listen to Roxella so he can get what he fancies most....

Anyhow, I enjoyed my time there!


Good bye my lovelies!

Karl is Back!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This morning I found Karl standing at my front door carrying a basket of cloth and sewing materials. He smiled as I peeped through the peephole in the door. I had to make sure he wasn't a beaver man or some crazy killer!

I asked how he was, how much weight he lost, and why was he carrying cloth and sewing materials in a twine basket. He told me he was feeling great, he lost 8 pounds and plans to lose 17 pounds as Uncle Heinrich told him to, and he is making a flag for Christmas.

I asked him which or what flag he is making but he wouldn't tell. It's a secret I suppose!

That's all for now!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

PIE SMASH! NUT TAP! BITCH SLAP!

Hi y'all oddlings!


Last night Lazar went about doing pie smashing, nut tapping, and bitch slapping Earl, Wayne, Flea, and I. We all did our best to thwart his attacks but nonetheless we failed epicly!

Lazar learned this from watching too much TV, so Eddie no longer allows him to watch TV. Lazar is quite angry but he still watches TV shows on the internet through his laptop. Eddie has no idea Lazar has a laptop, so I'm going to tell him soon! HAHA LAZAR!

Lazar's first victim was Earl. Earl was sitting in his lawn-chair in the backyard watching one of his bonfires burn whilst drinking beer and smoking his pipe. Lazar opened the backyard door, screamed for Earl's help, and that's when Earl had a pie thrown at his face.

Lazar's next victim was Wayne who he told he possessed some scantily clad women magazines for him. Wayne was tricked and ended up getting his nutties tapped!

Lazar's third victim was Flea who he coerced out with a dead animal. Poor old Flea got bitch slapped!

Lazar's fourth victim was me! He pie smashed, nut tapped, and bitch slapped me all in mere seconds! But I did get him back....

When Lazar was getting bathed by Eddie, I threw a pie at his face from the open bathroom door, then I leaped into the murky bathing water and nut tapped Lazar's naked nutties, and finally I pushed Lazar out of the water and bitch slapped him.

Eddie screamed and tried to pull me off of Lazar's slippery eel-like body but he failed. Lazar however slipped away from me and ended up biting my ankles and peeing on me. Disgusting commie!

Eddie put us both in "detention". I'm stuck in the basement with Lazar typing on my laptop now.


Bye y'all oddlings!

Leiland's Bible Belting

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This morning Leiland pestered me about not attending his congregation like Wayne does and that I've been lazy since I haven't read his Bible nor have I read the original Bible. I told him to shoo off or else I'd sick my feral and commie after him.

His eyes grew even more intense then ever before; he began to scream before I closed the front door on him. I told Eddie about him and he asked me if I could at least give Leiland some tea before slamming the door on him. Stupid Eddie!

Anyhow, as I trudged upstairs to find Leiland standing in front of my bedroom door smiling whilst holding his Bible. Leiland began to speak in a calm and high voice telling me of how I will burn in Hell for all eternity so as long as I don't embrace Jesus Christ.

I told him to get or Flea will get him. Leiland only smiled, and he began to tell me how an evil heathen like Flea will never be able to lay a finger on him. I told him Lazar will get him then, to which he replied "The Godless commie?! Ha, he can't get past my Jesus shield!"

That's when Lazar came running up the stairs at full speed ahead. He charged right into Leiland's chest sending into my room. Lazar reared his head and hissed. Flea soon joined Lazar and eventually both ending up getting rid of Leiland.

Good riddance!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

OCTOBER!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Good news! I received an e-mail last night from Uncle Heinrich telling me Karl is getting thinner and he will be back home come October 6th! Karl is looking forward to coming back home due to the fact he's preparing for Halloween, Oktoberfest, and Thanks Giving.

Uncle Heinrich has ordered Karl to walk for 2 hours a day, eat 3 healthy meals a day, and lift weights for 1 hour a day until he's thin and muscular again. Uncle Heinrich hates flabby neckbeards according to Karl.

Anyhow, Eddie is babying Lazar again, and he's even making Lazar a Halloween costume that looks similar to what Trotsky wore. Lazar wants to dress as an ice-picked Trotsky for Halloween. He says he'll look marvelous on Halloween night and I'll look dumpy.

Earl has been making a large fire outside, and so Wayne almost threw Lazar into the fire mistaking him for a doll after he almost broke up with Roxella. Lazar dug his sharp needle-like teeth into Wayne's flesh, and he ended up biting Wayne's neck.

Wayne dropped him like a hot potato and he ended up getting kicked in the nutties by Lazar. I'm surprised Lazar could actually kick Wayne there! Haha, Wayne is such a loser, and I guess Lazar is a 'winner'.

The house has been hectic lately. So many activities to fulfill with only so much time....


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Billy Cuttersaw's Birthday

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Today is Billy Cuttersaw's 46th birthday! He was born September 30th 1965 on some small farm in northern Ontario. According to Billy he grew up with animals and stuffed his own animal for the first time on his 8th birthday.

Anyhow, I bought Billy some meat and an antique gun from Karl's dad Aribert. Billy quite liked the gifts and he thanked me graciously. He seemed to be a happy fellow when he threw the meat on the spit and began turning it.

Billy told me he's going north with his fellow neo-con friends this week to one of their cottages. He said they'll be hunting for winter meat and just for fun. Billy adores shooting animals in the head and skinning them to take their fur for the long cold winter months.

But he also likes to stuff them. Usually he only stuffs pets and roadkill though once in a while he'll stuff an animal he hunted.

Billy will gather hides, meat, and he'll also fish as he quite likes fish whilst he is up north. Billy asked me what I will be doing, and I told him "gathering wood". He asked why as ALL liberals use indoor heating except for hippy scum. I told him it's because Eddie doesn't want to pay for heating as it's too expensive and he wants to be green.

Billy sighed and told me if I ever needed a warm body to cuddle on long cold winter nights I have him and his stuffed animals. I declined saying I have to do it myself. Billy liked that attitude.

Anyhow, I departed with Billy around 9, and went back to find Eddie cuddling Lazar whilst feeding him warm milk on the couch. Disturbing.


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

The Past Few Days....

Hello dearies!


So Lazar came to me Saturday to tell me he's been kicked out of his apartment by his brother Dmitry and he now has been living in a box in Toronto. He asked me if I could let him live with Wayne, Eddie, Earl, and I. I told him he was welcome, but I asked him why had his brother kicked him out and why can't he live in his parents' house.

He told me Dmitry kicked him out since he wasn't 'cool' enough to live with his brother any longer. Dmitry had bought the apartment and he allowed Lazar to live in it so long as he paid his rent and other costs.

He can't live with his parents because Grandpa Abraham won't allow him back. He's only given the right to visit his parents on certain occasions. Poor old Lazar....

So Lazar has been busy moving his stuff into my house. The past few days he's been blasting "Rush to Berlin- Soviet theme" and the USSR anthem along with various Soviet, Russian, and Hebrew folk songs.

Eddie has been feeding Lazar like a baby; well he's been treating Lazar like his son and Lazar is REALLY enjoying it. Lazar loves attention, be it good or bad!

Wayne has been getting rather angry again due to Eddie and Lazar's father and son-like relationship and his "complicated relationship" with Roxella.

To be frank, Roxella says it's her duty to God to "please" men, so she's really just Wayne's place to go when he wants "stuff". Roxella could easily be known as the town's "bicycle" or the town's "latrine".

Leiland has been making it "complicated" because he wants his sister to only please "Christian" men. He doesn't think Wayne is Christian enough. We shall see what happens. The events are currently unfolding....

Anyhow, Lazar has been quiet and weird. He made hammer and sickle shaped cookies with Eddie, and he has been eating with a red and yellow bib on.... Lazar wears pajamas with a bunch of red stars and the background is yellow. Eddie plans on making Lazar a sleeper with red stars and hammers and sickles.

So I suppose everyone is happy; Eddie has a new son Lazar, I'm left be by Eddie, and Lazar has a place to stay. The only person who hates this setting is Wayne. Flea couldn't care less about this arrangement.

By the way, Wayne commented on Lazar's cookies as they were falling apart "And the cookie crumbles just like communism...." This made Lazar incredibly angry, so he attacked Wayne and 'taught' him a lesson. Haha!

Oh well!


Good bye dearies!

Lazar's New Trotsky-Like Hairstyle

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Lazar came to my house this morning to show off his new Trotsky-like hairstyle. He told me he had to trim his hair because his grandpa threatened to shave his hair off when he's sleeping and later he would have Danny beat him up.

So he had to have his hair trimmed. He decided on the Trotsky-do as he calls it as all he has to do is make it wild. Lazar gave me a chunk of his trimmed off greasy hair. He told me to keep it under my pillow just in case he ever wants it back.

I declined, so then Lazar slapped me across the face and told me his hair is too good for me. What an oddling!

But then Lazar apologised and told me he would like to have a talk with me tomorrow. I have no idea what he wants me to do!

Oh yeah, Lazar is now even wearing glasses that resembled those of Leon Trotsky's when he was younger.

Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Charlotte is a Perfectly Round Doughnut

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Yesterday Charlotte came to my house to visit Eddie and Earl due to the fact Eddie lost another "child" to Wayne. But before I let her in, I inquired about the table cloth she was carrying with her. I asked her as to why was she carrying a table cloth about.

At first Charlotte's eye bulged but soon her face was red with anger. She told me between gasping breathes of air that the table cloth she was carrying wasn't a table cloth after all but instead her mini skirt.

I burst out laughing. Between her huffing and puffing and the table-cloth-mini-skirt-thing I just couldn't stop laughing. What was so funny about it? Well according to Eddie, Charlotte has been trying to dress like Roxella lately, but she is failing to do so.

Charlotte told me I was an anti-social racist (what the Hell?!) due to the fact I laughed at her. She told me if I laughed at her again she'd get her "bb" (what's that mean?) boyfriend from Louisiana to ring my neck.

I asked her how is she having a relationship with a guy from Louisiana when she lives in Ontario. She told me "love knows no boundaries." I laughed, I suppose she's right because Eddie loves dolls and pretends they're babies and Karl loves his iron cross, oh, and Billy adores his collection of stuffed animals and guns.

Anyhow, after one last laugh, I let Charlotte enter and I didn't bother to pester her. Though before entering she told me "I am a perfectly round doughnut; supple, sparkly, cute, and sweet!"

'Twas fun though!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Flea Equals Fun

Good day my fellow oddlings!


This morning Flea and I re-stuffed Eddie's couch with pig intestines. We had to rip tons of stuffing out before we could add some of Uncle Joe's bloody pig intestines. I'm sure Eddie will enjoy the new addition to his couch.

After that we made peanut butter cookies together and had a blast doing that. Unfortunately for Eddie we left his kitchen covered in peanut butter and other stuff. Haha, Eddie really likes cleaning so we thought we'd leave it utter destruction.

THEN we went searching for ghosts around the house. Flea was scared of the ghosts I described to him so I really had to coerce him into helping me. Anyhow, we had bad luck as the ghosts kind of left after we took residence in their house. 'Spose we're worse than ghosts! HAHA!

Later we prank called Leiland telling him we'd like to buy some of his Bibles and we'd like if he would ship it to the Feral colony as they're a bunch of evil homeless heathens according to Leiland.

Leiland wised up half way and checked our caller ID to see that is was Wayne well actually us. Now he thinks Wayne was trying to annoy him earlier! HAHA! Wayne's relationship with Roxella won't be going too well after this!

I've now realised how much fun it is to be a prick again. I just cannot come to terms with how much fun it is to be a prick! Dandy it is!

Anyhow, have a prick-free day oddlings!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Karl the Fat Candy Snatcher

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Yesterday morning Uncle Heinrich came to my house and inquired if I had seen Karl Klingenberg recently. I replied "Yes, he's in my room at the moment." So I lead Uncle Heinrich up the stairs to my room however Eddie quickly ended our ascend up the stairs.

Eddie came bouncing out of his room and onto Uncle Heinrich. Uncle Heinrich didn't take too kindly to Eddie's spontaneous advance so he stabbed his right leg with some pen of his. Eddie squealed, ripped a photo out of his pocket and ran for his room crying.

Uncle Heinrich got up, dusted his suit off, and snatched up the picture to find the very photo of Eddie and Karl wearing dresses. Uncle Heinrich gasped and then swiftly tore up the photo and asked me if I could go burn it for him. I agreed to, and did what I was told.

Meanwhile, Uncle Heinrich stabbed Karl with his pen for dressing like a girl and for getting too fat. Uncle Heinrich made Karl get in his van and now Karl is in Uncle Heinrich's cottage exercising, and also being tormented by his uncles because he wore a dress plus he's been stealing Uncle Josef's candy!

Karl will be gone for a month or two so he can lose weight so I'll be busy with Flea. I hope Karl comes back for Halloween as that's one of his favourite times of the year along mid April!

I guess Uncle Heinrich was checking up on Karl to make sure he's fulfilling his duties- whatever his duties may be!
Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Little Dagwood is On Fire!

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Last night as Eddie was 'nursing' Little Dagwood in the living room whilst watching TV and Earl was outside making himself a bonfire Wayne was raging. Anyhow, Roxella had just broke up with Wayne, so Wayne burst from his room, screamed at the top of his lungs, snatched Little Dagwood from Eddie, ran out outside, and threw Little Dagwood into the bonfire!

Eddie chased after him, but it was too late for Little Dagwood as he had now become molten and 1/8th burnt Little Dagwood. Eddie buried the doll with Eglantine, and he is now mourning. Poor old bastard he is!

Now Eddie is crying, and he won't even talk to his lover Earl! We shall see what will happen next to ol' Eddie!

By the way, Roxella broke up with Wayne because Leiland wanted her to due to the fact Wayne isn't a good enough Christian. But they're back together after Wayne promised to memorise the Bible and Leiland's version of the Bible.

All's well that ends well!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

I 'Has' an Obsession and a Collection

Good day my fellow oddlings!


So yesterday after visiting Karl and playing various computer games with him I went to Billy Cuttersaw's place and brought him a chunk of chicken flesh so he wouldn't have to eat raccoons or squirrels any longer.

I couldn't find him in his front yard so I decided to just leave the meat in his fridge. Well I found out he doesn't have a fridge but merely a beer cooler so I left it there.

Anyhow, as I was about to leave I found something rather disturbing hanging off of Billy's eastern cabin's wall (his house is a cabin with only one floor and I think he has a cellar where he sleeps) it was a dead raccoon with its eyes jabbed out and replaced with shiny black balls and its fur was missing.

Then right beside it hung a dead cat with its stomach sewed back up and its eyes too were jabbed out and replaced with shiny black balls. Both were frozen in an odd manner, a kind of twisted and demented way.

That's when the front door swung open to reveal Billy with his gun and a dead deer slumped over his shoulder. He screamed "HARPER IS THE BEST!" and then he asked me what I was doing here. I replied I was bringing him some chicken flesh and he merely smiled back. Clearly pleased but also a bit worried.

Billy looked up at his stuffed raccoon and cat and said "Such pretty things they were when they were alive. Such lovely things. But ya know, ya can't stay alive forever except when ya're stuffed. Ya see Dagwood, I love animals. Maybe I don't love them a stupid city-licker, PETA, naked-frolicking hippy, liberal way but I love my animals. I love 'em even when I gotta jab out their eyes, sew them back up after they were squashed by some *******'s car, and remove their entrails so they don't rot. I love them.... That's why I collect them and stuff them. I has them as a collection and obsession. Animals...."

I replied "Yes, you really do!" And I ran like HELL!

So creepy!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Fletcher is a Miserable *******!

Greetings!


So the last few days Eddie and I have been cleaning up the house after Eddie allowed Fletcher to watch over it as I was with Lazar, Wayne was with Roxella, and Eddie was with Earl and Little Dagwood in some cottage last week at the time.

Anyway, I came home to find the place in tatters, Fletcher sitting on the couch with no shirt on and only a mere loincloth covering his naughty bits. The floor beneath him was littered with empty beer cans and used toilet paper.

His hair was matted with sweat and dirt, the TV was blaring with new surround sound crap (I guess the money Eddie had given him to look after the house he used for his lovely new sounds), and the loincloth thing he was wearing was beginning to rip.... I confronted him and he grunted and looked at me with a miserable expression.

I banished him from my house and told him he was no longer welcome. He grunted and slunk away.

I called Eddie to inform him of the news, and soon he was back home cleaning.

While eating dinner last night, Eddie and I began to discuss a wee pea Little Dagwood hadn't eaten yet (What the -! You may be thinking as it's a damn doll but Eddie shoves food down it's throat so he can pretend it craps itself!).

As Eddie and I stared at the pea, Eddie said "I used to feel sorry for that ********. Miserable *******." At first I thought he was talking about the pea but I quickly realised he was talking about Fletcher. 'Tis true what Eddie said!

All is getting cleaner! Therefore all is good!


Bye!

Uncle Kenny and Other Things

Good day my fellow oddlings!


The past few days have truly been odd but amusing! Though I am quite glad I'm back home even though Eddie and his squeaking clothes dryer have been irritating along with Eddie's "son" Little Dagwood and his babysitter. Oh, and Little Dagwood is going to school! HAHA!

I'll tell you lot about this furthermore in the next few days! Anyhow, back to the subject of me visiting Lazar's family!

So the day after I met some of Lazar's family I was taken by Lazar to visit his Uncle Kenny and his monkey Rolf.

Uncle Kenny prefers to spend his time outdoors singing songs whilst playing his organ grinder and playing with his monkey. He dresses his monkey in various costumes and has him perform odd tricks. Uncle Kenny's monkey is almost as bizarre as his master!

Lazar thinks Uncle Kenny has finally cracked however he still prefers his company over that of his ol' grandpa.

Uncle Kenny's best friend is a cross-dressing communist just known as Beria the "Showgirl"! Beria adores everything pink and red even puss according to Uncle Kenny. Uncle Kenny loves Beria in a brotherly/manly/boyish way as I was told by Lazar.

Uncle Kenny seemed to amuse some, disturb others, and annoy plenty with his street performances! Lazar told me Uncle Kenny lives in his (Lazar's) parents' basement and pays them rent not with his pension money but with his "show" money.

Uncle Kenny buries his money in various caves, nooks, and holes according to Lazar. Uncle Kenny is fond of dark, cold, and cramped places!

So, later we departed with Uncle Kenny and went back to Lazar's parents' house for dinner. Everything was silent as we ate dinner in the dining room. The only sound which disturbed the silence was grandpa Abraham licking his lips as he ate his "baby food".

Lazar told me Abraham no longer has any teeth and so now he eats baby food and ice cream. He makes Danny cook and concoct his mushy food and then he'll turn around and call Danny a "cockroach".

Whilst eating, grandpa Abraham asked me if all of my family members eat the way I do and he addressed me as "cockroach". He called Danny a cockroach after Danny wouldn't stop smiling at him whilst he licked his lips.

Lazar asked his grandpa if he could still lick his nose to which Abraham replied with a hiss. He then licked his nose, and told us he had too much snot in there so he really couldn't lick it.

Later that night as we went to bed, Lazar brought up some old TV and forced me to watch his family's videos. I asked him who the little girl with the long black hair was and he replied "Me."

Lazar then turned the TV off, and went to bed. I heard his sobs all night long. Poor creature....

In the morning Lazar told me his mother had always wanted a daughter however she couldn't have any kids after he had Dmitry and Lazar due to a problem (Lazar wouldn't specify what problem she had) and she was too cheap to adopt a daughter so she made Lazar her "daughter".

Lazar has been scarred since. Poor old commie! No wonder he's odd!

Later Lazar told me he was once beaten to half an inch of his life when he stole his grandpa's bikini-clad women in South America photo album. Grandpa Abraham took pictures of women wearing bikinis on the beach without their knowledge when he was hunting Nazis in South America.

Another story Lazar told me was when grandpa Abraham found out Danny was semi-retarded; he decided to tame him as though he was a wild horse and then proceeded to ride on his shoulders. First though, he whacked him into submission with his cane.

Anyhow, soon I departed with Lazar's family and was driven home by Lazar.

Everything was dandy but a bit strange those few days!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Lazar's Family

Good day my fellow oddlings!


Last night Lazar picked me up at my house and drove me in his brand new red car to his parents' house. Lazar blabbered on and on about how great communism is and blasted the Red Army Choir the whole way. I guess it was a better drive than when I was driven by Leiland to his church!

Once we arrived we were greeted by Lazar's father Nikita and his mother Abiela. They seemed like normal and friendly people however I soon found out the opposite personality was true for the rest of Lazar's family!

Lazar's parents and brother Dmitry are the only normal people in his family! He has more normal people in his family than I do! Unlucky commie!

Soon I was introduced to Lazar's grandfather Abraham Schiller (on his maternal side) the Nazi hunter. He came quite close to me and began to sniff me! At first I thought he had feral blood as he was sniffing me and was shorter than Lazar like my feral mother and skinny. However he told me he was sniffing me for the 'Nazi scent'!

Abraham told me he had unfortunate news for me. I asked what it was and he confessed he hates me as I smell 1/16th of Nazi however he'll allow his grandson to have me as a friend because he believes Lazar will literally whack some sense into me and the fact he despises his grandson Lazar for being a commie. What the?

Anyhow, Lazar's parents' house was quite large and old in some nice part of Toronto. I guess big enough to house seven people and a few guests in the various bedrooms it contains. Lazar and I were to share Lazar's old room which I found kind of creepy.

Lazar told me about his family as we unpacked our clothing, fun things, and other items. So he told me Dmitry is his parents' and grandpa's favourite kid. He has a semi-retarded cousin on his mother's side called Daniel (Danny for short) Schiller. Now Danny is being taken care of by Lazar's mother as both his parents died in a car accident years ago. All of Lazar's grandparents are dead except Abraham. His grandpa on his father's side reverted him to communism and he now adores him for doing such an act. Oh, his name was Vladimir Dragunsky. Lazar's favourite uncle is his Uncle Kenny (but his real name is Vladimir Dragunsky after his father) who is a retired abortion doctor now monkey organ grinder. And alas grandpa Abraham rides on the shoulders of Danny as Danny is broad and tall and the fact grandpa Abraham hates using his wheelchair (Oh, and he calls his wheelchair 'Nazi Chaser'). What the?

That is all Lazar would tell me. Tehe!

Anyhow, in Lazar's room the walls were adorned with worn communist propaganda posters, the red/orange carpet was matted with stains of blood and dirt, and his room was cluttered with various communist stuff.

Lazar has an old stereo pushed off into a corner where he would play communist music he got from his grandpa Vladimir every week. Lazar decided to turn it on as he cleaned his room.

I was rummaging through one of Lazar's chests as Lazar ordered me to find one of his favourite comic books featuring Stalin as the hero and some bourgeois guy as the villain when I found this baby doll with a male adult's face. Soon I figured it to be a doll with its baby doll head ripped off and replaced with Stalin's face!

Lazar's eyes sifted over to me to see me staring at the doll with a puzzled look on my face. Lazar tore it from my hands and then hid it under his pillow. He told me not touch his dolls or else so I told him I was sorry!

Anyhow, we soon found it and Lazar decided he wanted to reenact it. Lazar put some Soviet cap on, jumped on his bed, and told me to turn the music up. Lazar stretched his hand out and told me to touch his palm as though he were a great and beloved leader.

As we were playing some sick communist game, the door flung open to reveal grandpa Abraham leaning on his cane with an angry look on his face. He scurried over to the stereo, turned it off, and almost scurried back out when Lazar told him he was an old fart. That's when grandpa Abraham turned around and screamed at Lazar telling him he'd never be the next Stalin as he's still too useless to do anything and that he should go back to his computer and talk to some skank online as that's the only type of girl who'd ever talk to him!

Lazar turned around and cried. Grandpa Abraham told him to shut it or he'd sick Danny after him.

Later Lazar complained to me about how his grandpa Vladimir and Uncle Kenny were/are the only two in his family who were nice to him. Tomorrow he told me we'd meet Uncle Kenny. He told me Uncle Kenny is epic in many ways

So now I shall be meeting Uncle Kenny this afternoon; I'll write about that tomorrow!


Good bye my fellow oddlings!

Chase the Lightning!

Hello y'all oddlings!


Somehow last night Charlotte convinced Eddie and Earl to chase the raging storm as a way to celebrate nature and worship the Goddess Charlotte. Haha, it's absolutely hilarious Charlotte considers herself a Goddess!

Anyhow, Charlotte ended up getting zapped by lightning, and is now in the hospital. She'll be fine as I just visited her this morning to find her relaxed except she was a bit agitated!

As to why she was irritated is because Lazar came along with roses, but instead of giving her the roses he tossed them out the window, spat on Charlotte, told her the storm God Stalin got her with one of his lightning bolts, and then went and peed and stomped on the roses once he made it outside.

Charlotte wanted to strangle him into submission however she was too fat and couldn't get up. Kind of like when a turtle is turned on its back! Her arms flailed as she tried to get him. Lazar laughed maniacally and ran off.

By the way, those roses weren't from Lazar but from Eddie and Earl! Charlotte is now incredibly angry! So amusing!


Bye y'all oddlings!

Charlotte the Capitalist

Greetings oddlings!


Lazar and I are now friends again due to the fact Lazar and I both equally despise Charlotte for her thoughts on certain subjects but for two different reasons. Mine being the fact she blames everything bad that has happened to me on what my ancestors may have done and Lazar's due to the fact she's a capitalist.

Lazar and Charlotte were enjoying one another's company last night when Lazar tried to convert or as Lazar puts it revert Charlotte to communism. Lazar told her everyone is born a communist and one is merely guided by the greed of money later in life that's why capitalists exist. That's when an argument began and soon a physical fight followed. Lazar won even though Charlotte could have crushed him.

So now that we're friends again, Lazar invited me to his dad's house in Toronto and I accepted his invitation gleefully.


Goodbye!

Blind Date

Hi!


Last night Wayne set me up for a blind date telling me I'd meet like-minded fellow LARPers but little did I know Wayne set me up with Roxella's best friend Beth Nettles! He told me I'd have fun and I would get more than what I had expected! Lying bastard!

Beth is a skank just like Roxella. She wears a HUGE cross with a dead Jesus slapped on it and the tightest most revealing costume what could possibly find. At first I thought Wayne had set her up to be the demoness we had to destroy on our epic quest but when no one else showed so I began to worry!

Beth began to talk to me and soon she began touching my face. I slapped her hands away from me, I screamed "I BANISH YOU ENCHANTRESS! GO BACK TO WHENCE YOU CAME!", and I ran like HELL!

I eventually made it home to find Flea eating croutons in my bed. He asked if I'd like to join him and so I did. I told him the horrors Wayne had done to me and he comforted me the whole time. Flea is such a lovely feral!

Now I know NEVER to trust Wayne to organise any meet-ups in the near future!


Bye!

Fletcher is Sick

Hi!


This morning I was awakened by the sound of someone grunting in my bathroom. I swiftly scurried out of bed and opened my bathroom door to find it empty. Odd, I thought but alas I went back to bed and fell asleep.

I was again awakened by the sound of grunting a few minutes later. I decided to dress in my chain mail and grab my sword to investigate this primitive noise. Primitive noises range from animals participating in naughty things and primitive humans eating your garbage or stealing your eggs.

Soon I found the source of the noise outside on my door/window's balcony, it turned out be Fletcher fulfilling his jollies with a 'working' woman! I told him to flee now or face my sword! His eyes began to 'shrink' and his old face began to look like that of an ape's. He spat at me and told me was chucking and the 'working' woman was a nurse. I laughed and told him to begone and go back to the hole he came from and so he crawled away.

The 'working' woman too ran but towards the opposite direction. Serves him right for fulfilling his jollies in my room! Disgusting rat!


Bye!